10 4 / 2014
Ive been in Pt. Augusta for the last 3 weeks, and it’s given me great medical opportunities to do procedural stuff, seeing cool things and interacting with professor people.
The only thing I’m not completely happy with is trying to fit in with the other people I’ve come up with. I’m still super grateful for being able to do surgery here, but I feel like a bit of an outcast.
The two girls I came up with are already best friends pretty much. Whilst I’m actually pretty impressed with how nice and welcoming they’ve been, its hard to shake the feeling that they talk about me behind my back/don’t really like me very much. I messed up a few times and I don’t know why! I don’t usually do this kind of thing and maybe the stress has just been getting to me but they definitely don’t respect me really.
This is especially so with one of them and soon, some 6th year is coming up from Adelaide. Hell be staying in my appt and he’s also good friends with the one who I feel doesn’t like me. He’s gonna come and be awesome and they’ll all like him and I’ll be even more outcast.
I really hope I get to stay in Adelaide for a decent time.
I know its part of being an adult, making new friends and all that, but Im not good at living with people I don’t know.
02 4 / 2014
Ow yeah, got to see patients by myself in clinic today. So much fun! :D
13 2 / 2014
So for a while there I was almost becoming an emotionally stable person. Going to hospital everyday and constantly doing something: being with the team, in a tute, personal study. More importantly being with people I don’t really know meaning I wasn’t slacking off as much and was kinda making new friends and actually growing as a person.
As soon as I saw my old friends again, one of whom I now have mixed emotions about, all the feelings came back. Suddenly (with this person in particular) I was anxious, wanting nothing more than to be alone with them.
Having already been rejected twice (or three times? I can’t remember) I didn’t wanna ask her to do something tomorrow (because Valentines), but it was the only time I was free. So I asked her, and she said she was busy.
Immediately the old anxious Zac kicks in:
"BUSY WITH WHAT? SHE MUST BE ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE C’MON ITS VALENTINES TOMORROW! WHY WOULD YOU ASK HER AGAIN YOU KNEW YOU WOULDN’T WIN. YOU’RE SUCH A LOSER."
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I thought this was overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
06 2 / 2014
So I think I’m getting the reputation for being someone who’s late and I hate it.
I’m almost always on time for everything else in my life, but for the last week I just cannot seem to get it right. Been like 5 minutes late for two tutes and they were both the first tutes with separate people (which is really annoying for someone who always tries to make a good first impression). The last one wasn’t my fault. But gah. Really annoying. Typing it down is making me realise how minor an issue this actually is though. Tumblr is therapeutic.
05 2 / 2014
Changed my mind. Put my first jelco in today, got it first time. Eff yes. Medicine is cool again.
02 2 / 2014
There is no direction whatsoever in this course and it’s crazy. I just wrote 4.5 pages on warfarin and INR monitoring randomly today because I was so lost.
I’m so unproductive when there’s no “defined goal”.
Basically just been told to “learn everything you don’t know already”